Final Fantasy 10 Gone Wrong
by Imxi
Summary: Its Final Fantasy X!..but gone wrong, theres twists and turns, cupcakes and non existent sanity. Tidus is a total idiot, Auron is the cupcake man, Kimahri thinks he is Valefor & Yuna is at war with sheep! Chapter 9 now up!
1. The baking of the cupcake

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy X, Barney, the yellow brick road, gremlins, cupcakes etc etc. I don't own anything in this story.  
  
And I just want to say Laura (purple angel) helped me out lots and lots... in fact she pretty much wrote the whole thing hehee... So yes go read her non-existent stories they're good!! Thank you Laura!  
  
And now read. And then review. BUT DON'T FLAME MEEEE.  
  
A little short gremlin waltzed around the coffee shop in a florescent black tutu. Little did  
  
he know that they were actually a frog that had been hypnotized into thinking so. No,  
  
wait, he was a blitzballer doomed to a short life because he couldn't hold his breathe for  
  
longer than 10 seconds. Blitzball was a popular sport in Spira, and many were very good  
  
at it, but the main character of this story, Tidus, however wasn't. In fact he was the worst.  
  
He (realizing who he was) walked towards the cheering crowd before him, ready to be  
  
praised by his many adoring 'fans'.  
  
"Hey who wants my autograph!"  
  
The crowd went silent.  
  
"Um.do we know you?"  
  
"Yea is there a reason we would want your autograph?"  
  
" YES!! ITS ME THE BRILLIANT TIDUS! YOU KNOW THE BLITZBALLER!"  
  
"um.no"  
  
"Then why are your cheering for me"  
  
" Were not cheering for you! Its our job we stand outside random houses cheering for  
  
random reasons. Come on lets find somewhere else to cheer"  
  
"Yeah!" chorused the crowd.  
  
Tidus feeling very disheartened hung his head low and sighed.  
  
" Doesn't anybody love me"  
  
" I love you" A mysterious voice said.  
  
"You" Tidus said pointing to his head "Shut up!"  
  
Tidus punched himself in the head and was knocked out for a few minutes.  
  
As he opened his eyes, he saw a large purple dinosaur leaning over him.  
  
" I love you Tidus" It said.  
  
Tidus leapt up and shrieked.  
  
" AAAH NO its Barney!!"  
  
Tidus ran as fast as he could. Barney chased after him shouting, " Oh come on I know  
  
you want a hug!"  
  
Tidus ran for his dear life but no one could hear him over the commentators  
  
commentating (because that is usually what commentators do)  
  
" Jecht was the worst blitzballer ever. He was always drunk; he was a complete moron  
  
and he giggle like a little girl. I remember when Jecht disappeared, my dad and me  
  
stayed up partying all night long. I don't think my dad and I had ever drunk so much.  
  
Woah. sorry folks didn't mean to reminisce.  
  
Now 10 years later, we have his son, who believe it or not it's an even worse blitzballer  
  
and he's not even drunk! How he even got into the Zanarkand Abes no one will ever  
  
know. Boy, the Abes are sure gonna get their asses kicked tonight!"  
  
And they did. But that could partially be because Tidus thought it would be cool to place  
  
bombs around the stadium and then leap out of the water and press the detonator. He  
  
thought it would be like fire works. Oh well at least it killed barney.  
  
As expected the stadium blew up.  
  
Tidus fell to the ground. When he sat up he noticed someone familiar.  
  
"ORANGE!!" he shouted.  
  
Yes, well Auron was there sitting on the ground surrounded by cupcakes, which he  
  
seemed to be very deeply interested in.  
  
As Tidus got nearer, he could hear Auron talking and noticed that Auron had one cup  
  
cake in each hand.  
  
" OH, Chocolatey I love you" Auron said dramatically in a high pitched voice.  
  
"I know Blueberry, I love you too" Auron said in a deep voice.  
  
Auron then squashed them together and started making kissing noises.  
  
"Uh Orange?" Tidus interrupted.  
  
"Huh" Auron said startled. "You never saw anything!" He shouted as he leapt to his feet  
  
and grabbed Tidus by the neck. "OK"  
  
"Ok..." Tidus replied.  
  
Auron screamed " Oh my gosh why the hell are you wearing a tutu! My eyes, My eyes!  
  
What have I done to deserve this?"  
  
"Ah.um I can't remember actually. Orange do you know whats going on?"  
  
"Well, my little feathered friend I don't know if you've noticed but something bad is  
  
happening."  
  
"I know some idiot tried to use bombs as fireworks"  
  
"No boy, look" Auron pointed to the sky.  
  
There was a huge sphere of water.  
  
"AAAH" Shrieked Tidus " The Sea is falling!"  
  
"Boy is the sea usually in the sky?"  
  
Tidus goes into deep thought  
  
30 ½ hours later..  
  
"Yes!" Tidus said confidently.  
  
"NO!! Now hurry up we don't have much time."  
  
"Where are we going?" A puzzled Tidus asked.  
  
" To follow the yellow brick road of course!"  
  
Auron and Tidus began to skip hand in hand down the yellow brick road, singing of  
  
course.the yellow brick road song!!!  
  
Suddenly they came to a stop as they discovered that they were surrounded by millions of  
  
mice.  
  
Auron squealed and jumped into Tidus' arms.  
  
"Mice nooo I hate mice"  
  
"What do you think they want with us?" Tidus whispered.  
  
"To kill us?" Auron whispered back in a frightened voice " Or to eat us alive..."  
  
"Or maybe...they're just here to fix the stadium you know since it kinda got all broken in  
  
the explosion"  
  
"Hmmm Tidus you know you might be right!"  
  
"You think they got lost and need directions?"  
  
"Possibly or maybe they don't have the right tools" suggested Auron.  
  
"OR they're to short!" Tidus added.  
  
"Yes all possibilities!"  
  
"Orange, how many mice does it take to change a light bulb?"  
  
"Hmm. Im not sure but that's a really good question."  
  
Tidus and Auron both go into deep thought.  
  
3 hours later..  
  
"Oh my gosh Auron they're gone! They must have found the stadium after all"  
  
"Your right..HEY-MY- MY- MY- CUP- CAKES!!!"  
  
Tidus watches Auron as he frantically looks for the missing cup cakes.  
  
Auron falls to his knees.  
  
" Its no use" he sobs "They're gone.all of them"  
  
This was followed by Auron making a huge disgusting sound of sniffing snot up his  
  
nose." "They were.." Auron choked " the only thing I lived for"  
  
"Orange look" Tidus pointed at an object on the ground.  
  
"OMIGOSH ITS CHOCOLATEY!" Auron shouted with delight.  
  
Auron scrambled over to the cup cake. He clasped it in his hands and kissed it.  
  
"I thought I'd lost you. oh I was so worried"  
  
Auron stands up.  
  
"You will tell no one of this either" He said to Tidus in a threatening tone.  
  
" Yes sir" gulped Tidus.  
  
"Now what were we doing? Oh yes we must get back to the yellow brick road"  
  
And Auron skipped off with Tidus following him as fast as his little ballet shoes could  
  
go.  
  
After about 10 seconds the road ended, and the part of the road they were on broke off  
  
and lifted high into the air.  
  
Tidus noticed they were under the huge globe of water and that an opening was appearing  
  
except the walls surrounding the opening had sequins on them. Sequins of a variety of  
  
colours. Like red. And blue. And Green. And Silver. And Gold.  
  
Tidus also discovered that by moving your head from side to side they sparkled, he found  
  
this highly fascinating.  
  
Auron smacked him over the head.  
  
"Pay attention will you I'm about to say something wise!"  
  
"Hehe Orange they sparkle! I feel like im being sucked into a vacuum cleaner.. hehe"  
  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Heres my big line"  
  
Auron clears his throat.  
  
"This is it.. this is the baking of your cupcake"  
  
"Um Orange don't you mean this is the beginning of my story?"  
  
"NO! There are no stories.only cupcakes and there are no chapters..only sprinkles  
  
you'd be wise to remember that"  
  
And then they were both stretched out like rubber bands and sucked into the opening. 


	2. The Baaj Bakery

I do not own Final Fantasy X, Barney or anything else in this story.  
  
Hehee I was so happy that I had reviews. Reviews make me happy and when im happy I Write...That's a hint. Review Okays!! Even if its just to say that the weathers nice or that your having homicidal thoughts, I really don't mind!. If you have any suggestions for my story feel free to email them to me, because I like suggestions and they will be very appreciated. This chapter pissed me off. I got lots of good Ideas for later things like, the end, and the wedding **grins evilly* oh yes I have plans for that. When the Al Bhed talk they're talking in Al bhed okay they don't speak English once so Tidus has no idea what they're on about.( I cant be stuffed changing it and all). Oh and does anybody know the names of the other dinosaurs in Barney? You know the yellow one and the baby one. Is it B jay and baby bop??  
  
(Tidus Narration)  
  
I thought about a lot of things; like why fish never drown, and why birds don't fall out of the  
  
trees when they're sleeping. I started to feel sick, and then....then I farted.  
  
I think I had a dream. A dream that the smell would go away, so I wouldn't have to smell it  
  
Anymore.  
  
Tidus woke up on the steps of some unknown place (still wearing the tutu).  
  
"Hello?" He yelled.  
  
"Hello?" The echo replied.  
  
"Whats your name?"  
  
"Whats your name?"  
  
"My names Tidus!"  
  
"My names Tidus!"  
  
"Hey! My names Tidus too!!"  
  
"Hey! My names Tidus too!!"  
  
"Wait, isn't your name whats your name?"  
  
"Wait, isn't your name whats your name?"  
  
"No, I'm Tidus"  
  
"No, I'm Tidus"  
  
"NO IM TIDUS"  
  
"NO IM TIDUS"  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Are you copying me?"  
  
"Are you copying me?"  
  
"STOP! Stop copying me!"  
  
"STOP!" Stop copying me!"  
  
"Fine I will!"  
  
"Fine I will!"  
  
Tidus stamped his foot and spun around to see...  
  
'The Baaj Bakery!'  
  
Bakery equals Cupcakes, Cupcakes equal Orange and Orange equals Hula Hoops!! Tidus  
  
thought.  
  
Tidus rushed into the bakery. It was an unusual bakery mainly because there was no bread  
  
just a whole heap of bananas.  
  
"Anybody there?" Tidus called out.  
  
He took a step forward and slid on a banana peel, slipping through the door marked STAFF  
  
ONLY. Tidus gasped at what he saw. There were hundreds of computers and a huge  
  
screen. On the screen was a picture of him. Beneath it was the word TARGET.  
  
Tidus noticed another machine in the room, which seemed to be painting bananas purple.  
  
"Purple," Tidus thought aloud. " Who do I know who likes purple?"  
  
"Hello Tidus" a voice said from the shadows. "I've been waiting for you. I always get what I  
  
want you know, AND I WANT A HUG DAMMIT!!" Tidus turned around to see DUN DUN DUN!!!!!  
  
"Barney! But didn't you, didn't you die?"  
  
Barney laughed. " I won't die until I get my hug."  
  
Tidus screamed and ran away from barney, straight into a wall. Tidus recovered and got up  
  
and ran to the left..into another wall. Tidus jumped up again and ran to the right into yes  
  
another wall. Tidus decided to think about this for a second.  
  
"Aha! You won't get me this time"  
  
And he ran down. Yes down into the ground.  
  
Thinking wasn't Tidus' strong point.  
  
"Um, you know you could just go out the exit." Barney suggested.  
  
"Oh thanks"  
  
Tidus rushed out the exit, unaware that there was nothing but a long drop and a pool of  
  
water outside it.  
  
As Tidus hit the water there was a large splash.  
  
"AH IM DROWNING! IM DROWNING!!" Tidus shrieked as he crashed around frantically.  
  
"Um, it only goes up to your ankles." Barney called.  
  
Tidus stood up.  
  
"Oh, Thanks again."  
  
Tidus ran through a doorway and places a little pile of pebbles in it.  
  
"Barney's gonna have a bit of trouble getting over that!."  
  
He ran a bit further and came to a large area with a fire burning in the centre.  
  
"Now THAT'S dangerous." Tidus said in a disapproving tone.  
  
Tidus looked for something to put the fire out with.  
  
"Oh I know," Tidus muttered and pulled out one of his spare explosives that he didn't use at  
  
the bllitzball game. Smiling happily he dropped it into the fire.  
  
"Bye bye fire"  
  
Yeah right. More like bye bye Tidus.  
  
There was a huge explosion and Tidus was flung backwards. He was expecting to hit the  
  
hard ground but he never did. In fact he landed on something soft. Tidus turned over. He  
  
was lying on Barney, who seemed to be dead. Just to be sure, Tidus placed to pebbles on his stomach.  
  
" Haha! He'll never get out now!" Tidus exclaimed.  
  
All of a sudden another large explosion was sounded and 5 people walked in.  
  
They walked towards him. One grabbed Tidus by the hair roughly.  
  
"His hair! It's so, so soft!"  
  
"How soft?" Another questioned.  
  
"As soft as a rock"  
  
"Aaaaah" the others nodded in admiration.  
  
"And not one split end too!" a voice added.  
  
A bald man steps forward.  
  
" I had hair like that once." He explained.  
  
"You had hair!" Another exclaimed in astonishment.  
  
" I sure did. I think we should kill him. He's not Al Bhed, we can't let him walk off  
  
in one piece with hair better than ours."  
  
"No" A girl said sharply as she approached Tidus. " We take him back with us. And find  
  
out what shampoo he uses, if he blow dries his hair, and we find out how he got it  
  
so damn shiny!!"  
  
The girl leans closely to Tidus. " No one, has better hair than us Al Bhed and its going  
  
to stay that way." The girl punches Tidus in the stomach.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tidus woke up on a ship. He was getting rather annoyed, waking up in unknown places all  
  
the time. There were two Al Bhed stationed near by him. One had a duster, the other a  
  
vacuum cleaner. They were clearly very dangerous.  
  
So Tidus decided to play dead.  
  
" Meow" He sounded and started to lick his hand. "Aaah dammit!" He remembered. " That's  
  
a pig!"  
  
The Al Bhed pointed their cleaning gear at him.  
  
"Don't move," The one with the duster said. " You might mess up your perfect hair!"  
  
Tidus shrugged, and carried on licking his hand.  
  
(Tidus Narration)  
  
I noticed that my hand tasted really funny, like I don't know, Penguins. I realised that I  
  
wasn't gonna be going anywhere for a while. So I decided to create a challenge for my self.  
  
I decided to try to put my foot in my mouth.  
  
Tidus decided this was a good challenge to try, but his attempts were disrupted when the girl  
  
he had met earlier and another man came out of the hatch.  
  
"This is him?" The new man asked.  
  
"Yes," the girl replied, "just touch his hair"  
  
The man bent over and ran his fingers through Tidus' hair.  
  
"Holy Yevon, his hair is better than mine!"  
  
"Um, brother we don't believe in Yevon"  
  
"Huh? Oh....sure we don't."  
  
" YOU PROMISED!!! YOU PROMISED!!"  
  
"I know, I know" the man pouted. "But I really wanted to be a Nun, its been my  
  
dream ever since I was a little boy"  
  
The girl shakes her head. " Just wait till father finds out. Now what do we do with  
  
him."  
  
" We find out his hair secrets of course."  
  
"And then afterwards?" the girl questioned.  
  
"We cut off his head and mount it on the wall!!"  
  
"Sounds like a plan bro, sounds like a plan!"  
  
They both turned around and started for the hatch door. All of a sudden there was a loud  
  
screech from above, which caused them to look around in fright. Then out of no where came  
  
a giant cucumber. It lunged down grabbed Tidus, and flew off into the distance. 


	3. Meeting Wakka

I do not own Final Fantasy X, Barney or any thing else in this story.  
  
Please review!! Yes Barney is going to be in every chapter. A chapter of my story without barney is like Kimahri without lip stick.  
  
Tidus wakes up to find himself floating in the calm blue waters of a nearby island.  
  
"Damn cucumber.." Tidus mutters to himself.  
  
All of a sudden a blitz ball is heading straight towards Tidus.  
  
(Tidus Narration) As soon as I saw that Blitz ball I knew I had to make a quick decision. I had a few choices, I  
  
could either A) Catch it like a pro, B) duck, or C) stand there and let it hit me in the face.  
  
Tidus chose option C. The blitz ball whacks Tidus full in the face and he yelps in agony.  
  
Tidus looks to the shore of the island. There was a group of people standing there staring at him.  
  
"Hey! You all right?" one of the called out.  
  
Tidus ignores the man and focuses on the blitz ball.  
  
" WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MISTER!! HITTING ME IN THE FACE LIKE THAT! WHAT  
  
DID I EVER DO TO YOU? OH NO DON'T YOU GO MAKING THAT FACE AT ME! YOU DID  
  
IT ON PURPOSE!! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF AYE? GOT NOTHING  
  
TO SAY AYE? IS THAT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOUR TO DAMN GOOD TO TALK TO ME!!?  
  
OH YOUR GONNA GET IT NOW!!"  
  
Tidus throws a punch at the blitz ball, which happens to just move out of the way at the last second.  
  
"Aaaah" Tidus yells and tries again. A huge wave comes up behind Tidus, before he can actually hit  
  
the blitz ball, and carries them both on to the sandy shore.  
  
Tidus gets up, tackles the ball and bites it.  
  
"Um hi." someone said from behind Tidus.  
  
Tidus quickly spins around and throws the blitz ball, which hits a man with a plaster on his nose and  
  
knocks him out.  
  
"HEY! What'd you do that for ya?"  
  
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean too. Its just that when someone talks to me from behind its usually Barney"  
  
"Right...are you feeling okay? " The man asked.  
  
"Yes" Tidus said, " why wouldn't I be?"  
  
"Um no reason. Oh im Wakka captain of the Besaid Aurochs. You gotta a name?"  
  
"My names Ti-"  
  
"Oh you cant remember your name is that because you got to close to sin and his bad body odour made your mind go all foggy like? Oh yes I understand."  
  
" No my names Tid-"  
  
" Its okay, its okay I'll take you back to the village"  
  
"Wait, whats sin?"  
  
"Oh sins a giant fish that likes killing things, sin must've bought you here, damn him cursing us with your presence."  
  
"No, no Wakka a giant cucumber bought me here!"  
  
Wakka stares at Tidus.  
  
"A cucumber?"  
  
"Yep"  
  
"Wow sins BO is really bad, come on lets go"  
  
(Tidus Narration)  
  
I felt like I could trust Wakka, so I just had to ask.  
  
"Wakka, do you think im pretty?"  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
"I don't think the blitz ball in your hair really goes with your tutu ya?"  
  
" What blitz ball?" Tidus feels his hair and pulls out the blitz ball he was arguing with earlier and  
  
drops it.  
  
" OH so now your stalking me. That's it" Tidus yells and lunges at the ball, Wakka pulls him back  
  
and throws him in the water. Wakka jumps in afterwards.  
  
Tidus begins to drown, so Wakka has to drag him along. A few insects attack them along the way,  
  
but they luckily escape . Wakka pulls Tidus out of the water.  
  
"Got a favour to ask ya." He tells Tidus.  
  
"You want me in you team right?"  
  
"Hell no!! You couldn't even catch the ball and you can't swim! . I was wondering what shampoo you use ya?"  
  
"I like to be in a position where I can get lots of attention okay! OH and I so can swim!"  
  
"oh yes that's why I had to drag you all the way"  
  
"I was testing you"  
  
"For what"  
  
"For Cancer!"  
  
"Oh what was the results?"  
  
"Your fine, quite healthy indeed"  
  
"Oh that's a relief"  
  
" I'd love to be in your team Wakka! Thanks for the invitation!"  
  
"I didn't say that!" "No you cant be in our team were bad enough as it is!"  
  
"Oh were going to have so much fun!!"  
  
Wakka gives up and decides he'll try to talk Tidus out of it later or just kill him when he's sleeping.  
  
Wakka and Tidus carry on walking to the village.  
  
"Um wakka, have you noticed that were being stalked by a Turkey?"  
  
"Huh?" Wakka turned around to see a Turkey. He picks it up.  
  
"Oh this is my brother Chappu! Chappu meet the guy who has no name"  
  
"Your brothers a Turkey? Oh and for the last time my names Ti-"  
  
"He wasn't always a turkey, you see sin killed him and then he was reincarnated into this Turkey!"  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"Oh I was playing blitz ball one day and then this Turkey appears outta no where and starts attacking  
  
the ball. Chappu looks like you."  
  
" How could you Wakka I thought you were my friend!"  
  
"What'd I do!"  
  
"You said I looked like a Turkey!"  
  
" You know we should take you to Luca, that's where the Bliztball  
  
Tournament is held."  
  
"Let me guess some one might know me?"  
  
" No they also have a nice mental institution."  
  
"Im not mental"  
  
Wakka patted Tidus on the shoulder " Of course your not, just keep telling yourself that and don't  
  
worry about that giant cucumber, its not real"  
  
"It is! It took me away from the Al Bhed ship!"  
  
"Aaaah! Damn the Al bhed"  
  
"Why, what did they do?"  
  
"They lied about what shampoo they used to everyone in Spira, and look what happened to the  
  
unfortunate people who believed them"  
  
Tidus gave Wakka a questioning look and Wakka explained by pointing to his hair.  
  
" And now they unleash giant cucumbers on us!" Wakka said  
  
"Gobble" Chappu said  
  
"Yes your absolutely right!"  
  
"Yes.." Tidus said and quickened his pace  
  
" I think someone else is stalking us" Tidus mentioned quietly.  
  
"Really?" Wakka asked, "What ever happens we must protect Chappu, he hasn't go any weapons"  
  
"I don't have a weapon"  
  
"Yes well no one cares about you"  
  
Wakka and Tidus stopped as they heard footsteps. Then they saw 2 men walking towards them.  
  
"Ah the one wearing the tutu" Said the first man.  
  
"Be on guard, theres fiends on the road today!" Said the second man.  
  
They then both held up signs and ran off.  
  
One sign said: IM NOT HERE.  
  
The second said: WE DISAPEARED.  
  
"Wow how'd they do that?" Tidus asked in awe.  
  
"We'll never find out I guess. Unless we become crusaders."  
  
" Clowns?"  
  
"I said Crusaders! You can ask them yourself, when we get to the village."  
  
Suddenly a purple banana dropped out of a tree.  
  
"KILL THE FIEND!!" Yelled Wakka.  
  
Tidus attacked Wakka.  
  
"FIEND! NOT FRIEND!"  
  
Wakka ran to the banana but slipped over.  
  
"Damn it," He muttered. " Its power full"  
  
Tidus tried to punch it but because his aim is so bad he punched a rock next to it.  
  
"OWEEE PAINEEEE!!" Tidus shouted and flapped his arms up and down like a mad man,  
  
He fell over. Wakka crawled over to him.  
  
"BOY! BOY! ARE YOU OKAY"  
  
"I don't think..I can go on"  
  
Wakka collapsed next to him.  
  
"I know.but at least we tried."  
  
A loud Gobble noise was heard from the trees and a turkey came into view swinging on a vine.  
  
This turkey was not a normal turkey. It had a red cape and a matching eye mask. On the back of the  
  
cape there was the words SUPER TURKEY!  
  
Super Turkey lands beside the banana and begins to scratch and peck at it, and then starts to eat it.  
  
An evil laugh was then sounded and Barney appeared. Tidus and Wakka lay helplessly on the ground  
  
as Barney advanced towards them. They tried to get Super Turkeys attention, but he was busy eating  
  
the banana. Barney grabbed them by the backs of their clothes and dragged them off into the trees.  
  
Wakka fainted from thinking about where Chappu was and Tidus fainted from thinking.  
  
When Tidus awoke he found himself tied up with dental floss. He turned his head to see Wakka next  
  
to him drooling and muttering " Mmmmm toilet paper.."  
  
He looked around. Barney was no where to be seen. Then all of a sudden a penguin flew into view and  
  
landed in front of him.  
  
"Hey penguins can't fly."  
  
"Then maybe im not a penguin."  
  
"Then what are you?"  
  
" A penguin"  
  
"But you just said.."  
  
"Silence or I will poop on your head!" The penguin hissed.  
  
Tidus gulped and thought about what he should do. He gave up after 10 seconds and started thinking  
  
about pretty things like flowers and butterflies.  
  
A rustling sound from the trees interrupted Tidus' thoughts.  
  
Out came 3 people .well not people.  
  
"We meet again Tidus, I see you've got a friend. Oh that's good cause I have 2 friends. Meet Baby  
  
Bop and B jay"  
  
Barney handed a purple banana to the penguin.  
  
"Thank you for guarding them"  
  
"Anything for you oh great one" The penguin replied and bowed.  
  
"Now Tidus" Barney said " I told you last time, that I always get what I want and im pretty sure that by now you know what I want."  
  
Tidus thought for a second " My tutu?"  
  
"NO! I want a hug!!"  
  
Baby bop, Barney and B jay then started singing,  
  
"I love you, You love me, were a happy family."  
  
Tidus starts to scream.  
  
This woke Wakka up. When Wakka saw what danger they were in. He began to scream too.  
  
B jay, Baby bop and Barney began closing in on them, when Super Turkey came to the rescue!!  
  
Super Turkey shoved a firework in Barneys mouth and down his throat. Super Turkey then lit it  
  
and Barney exploded into lots of pretty colours. Baby Bop and B jay ran off screaming.  
  
Super Turkey pecked through the dental floss and dragged the unconscious (from screaming) Wakka  
  
and Tidus to the Besaid Village.  
  
He put them in bed and tucked them in. He even put a teddy bed next to Wakka so he wouldn't have  
  
any nightmares.  
  
Super Turkey then jumped into the oven and slammed the door behind him. When the door opened  
  
Super Turkey was no where to be found, and out came Chappu. 


	4. New Friends

I do not own Final Fantasy X, Barney or anything else in this story.  
  
Sorry this one took me a while been busy aka lazy.  
  
A Priest walked into the hut to see two men asleep and a turkey lying on the floor. He took another  
  
step inside the hut. The turkey sat up and began to growl, so the priest pulled out a large piece of steak  
  
and threw it on the ground. The turkey sat down on the steak and began to purr.  
  
The priest walked over to the man with the demented hair.  
  
"Wakka?" He whispered " Are you awake?" He waited for a response.  
  
"WAKKA" He screamed and began to shake Wakka's shoulders violently. Wakka just snorted and  
  
turned over. The priest giggled and pulled out some lipstick ( why he had lipstick no body knows)  
  
and applied it to Wakka's lips. He then began to laugh like a maniac.  
  
Wakka's eyes shot open and he punched the priest in the face.  
  
"Ah sorry ya!" He rushed over to help the priest back up " thought you might have been Barney!"  
  
"You should go check on them" The priest told Wakka trying to restrain himself from laughing.  
  
"Why?" Wakka asked puzzled.  
  
"Its been nearly a month that's why!"  
  
"Oh well I suppose...who am I suppose to be checking on again?"  
  
"Yuna"  
  
Wakka stared at the priest.  
  
"You know the apprentice summoner..you're her guardian"  
  
"You know short hair, one green eye one blue eye, one earring, cant move her mouth at the same time  
  
as when she talks."  
  
"Oh yeah, that freak."  
  
Wakka follows the priest out of the hut.  
  
A few minutes later a pot plant with two purple feet wanders into the hut.  
  
It moves forward but bangs into the table. It then carefully moves over to the left and walks slowly  
  
forward unaware of Chappu sleeping on the ground. One large purple foot comes down on Chappu.  
  
Tidus awokes to find a turkey chasing a pot plant around the table. Tidus threw a rock at the pot plant  
  
but missed and hit the turkey.  
  
"Opps" Tidus said as the turkey fell over.  
  
"Haha! No one to protect you now!" There was the rustle of leaves and then Barneys head popped out.  
  
"You have no where to run and I will get my hug!"  
  
Barney moved towards Tidus who had hid under the blanket hoping that Barney would think he had  
  
disappeared. Barney tried to outstretch his arms but he couldn't, he was stuck inside the pot.  
  
Barney began to struggle, trying to break through. Tidus looked out from the covers and saw that  
  
Barney was stuck. He looked around for an object to use as a weapon. He could see a sword, a fork, a  
  
grenade, a bat, a pot of boiling water and a super soft pillow.  
  
He grabbed the pillow and began to whack Barney with it. Barney grabbed a pillow in his mouth and  
  
began to hit Tidus back. They both squealed like little girls and eventually both collapsed with  
  
exhaustion. Luckily Chappu woke up, grabbed the piece of steak in his mouth and flung it to barney.  
  
It landed on barneys face, and barney suffocated.  
  
Chappu then ran out of the hut.  
  
Tidus decided it would be a good idea to follow Chappu. Chappu led him to the temple where Tidus  
  
found Wakka playing Candyland with the Priest.  
  
"Wakka whats going on...why are you wearing lipstick?"  
  
"Oh the person.. whats her name again?"  
  
"Yuna" The priest said.  
  
"Yes her, well she hasn't returned from the trials yet"  
  
"Oh I see"  
  
"You have no idea what im talking about ya?"  
  
"Yep"  
  
" There's a room in there called the Cloister of Trials. Beyond is where the apprentice summoner prays. If the prayer is heard, the apprentice becomes a fully-fledged summoner."  
  
"Is there chocolate?"  
  
"I don't know..what does that have to do with anything"  
  
"There is a hidden treasure" The priest said helpfully.  
  
Tidus rushed up the stairs to the trials.  
  
"Hey what are you doing!" The priest cried out.  
  
"Im going on a treasure hunt and im not scared!" Tidus said pumping his fist in the air.  
  
Other people in the temple cheered and clapped.  
  
"You go sister!" One called out from the back.  
  
"I think it's a guy" a person said.  
  
"Eh, well looks like a girl"  
  
Tidus entered the door.  
  
He found himself in a large room with a door, a glyph sphere and a large book on the ground.  
  
He picked up the book.  
  
To whom may be reading this.  
  
Congratulations you are in the Cloister of Trials, you must solve the puzzles by putting the spheres in  
  
the correct slots good luck. HINT: The sphere goes in the door in front of you.  
  
He grabbed the Besaid sphere from the wall and looked around the room.  
  
"Theres nothing here" He muttered.  
  
He re-read the book and glanced at the door in front of him. It had little arrows pointing to it and a  
  
huge flashing sign which read PUT SPHERE IN SLOT IN DOOR.  
  
Tidus pondered for a second. "Nah" He decided.  
  
Tidus thought for a while and then he clicked.  
  
"I got it!" He shouted and rammed the sphere into his mouth.  
  
He swallowed it whole and coughed a little.  
  
"Im so smart!" Tidus said smiling happily.  
  
He walked over to the door and looked at it expectantly.  
  
"Well Mr door, I put the sphere in the slot so you can open up now."  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Mr Door?"  
  
Tidus heard the sound of the patter of feet approaching him.  
  
He turned to see that penguin that had been guarding him when Barney had taken him captive.  
  
"You again" He gasped.  
  
"Keep your wig on, im here to help you"  
  
"That's what the voices in my head told me!" Tidus shook his head and muttered under his  
  
breath. " Never listening to them again."  
  
"Look" The penguin walked over to the door and pointed to the slot. "Put the sphere in here."  
  
"Oh is that what a slot is"  
  
"So where'd you put the sphere boy?"  
  
"Oh I swallowed it" Tidus said proudly.  
  
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!"  
  
"I thought my mouth was the slot" Tidus said in a hurt voice.  
  
"YOU IDIOT! YOU'LL NEVER GET THE TREASURE NOW!"  
  
Tidus began to cry.  
  
Somebody knocked on the door.  
  
"Tidus? Are you wearing clothes?"  
  
"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Wakka walked into the room.  
  
" Why you crying ya?"  
  
"The penguin called me an Idiot" Tidus sobbed.  
  
Wakka stared at Tidus for a moment.  
  
" We really should consider that mental institution in Luca..." he said quietly to himself.  
  
"Look lets go check on yuna and then we can go back and get you some ritalin"  
  
"And chocolate?"  
  
"and chocolate"  
  
"YAAY!" Tidus got up and began to dance.  
  
"Now where is the sphere?" Wakka asked.  
  
Tidus stopped dancing.  
  
"Its gone.."  
  
"Gone where?"  
  
"I don't know"  
  
"Did it sprout legs and walk away?"  
  
"No! it..sprouted wings and flew away!"  
  
"Well that's a first." Wakka said sarcastically. "Tidus where is it?"  
  
"I uh. kinda"  
  
"Kinda what?"  
  
"It fell in my mouth."  
  
"How?"  
  
" Alright ill tell you just don't hurt Mary!"  
  
"Mary?" Wakka asked confused.  
  
"I swallowed it!"  
  
"YOU WHAT!!"  
  
"I couldn't find the slot! I began to get hungry, and then I remembered that the priest said  
  
there was treasure and then I thought that the treasure could've been chocolate and then I saw the  
  
sphere and thought hey maybe theres chocolate in the sphere and then it just happened."  
  
"How are we suppose to get in now ya?"  
  
"I know we'll shrink ourselves!"  
  
"With what"  
  
"With my magical powers" Tidus whispered.  
  
" You can do that?" Wakka whispered back  
  
"Yes! And then we can fit through the crack under the door!"  
  
"Tidus?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why are we whispering?"  
  
"It gives my magical powers more effect don't you think?"  
  
"No not really."  
  
"Oh well you suck"  
  
"So are you going to shrink us or not!"  
  
"Okay let me get ready."  
  
Tidus cleared his throat and stretched his fingers.  
  
He then started to spin around in circles.  
  
After a few minutes of this Wakka asked " What the hell are you do"  
  
"Shh! Im preparing."  
  
"Alright now be quiet and don't interrupt me" Tidus said to Wakka when he had stopped spinning.  
  
Tidus closed his eyes and held his hands out.  
  
"Oh holy sequinssssssss. Grant me the magical powers to buy chocolate and cake and more chocolate.  
  
Shrink me and my friend and I will deliver you some pretty flowers!"  
  
Tidus then began to do a dance, it kinda looked like he was trying to be a monkey gone wrong.  
  
"Aieeee ooowaaaa baaaaanaaanaaa seeeeyooou laaaater maaaaann!" Tidus yelled at the top of his  
  
lungs. He lifted his hands into the air.  
  
"There" he said happily.  
  
"I don't feel any different" Wakka said.  
  
"Oh but you are, your short!"  
  
"Tidus were exactly the same size"  
  
"No were not!"  
  
"Then why does the room look normal?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well shouldn't it look really big?"  
  
"Oh dammit!" Tidus exclaimed whacking himself on the head "I shrunk the room too!"  
  
"Tidus damn you!!"  
  
"I know I've got another idea!"  
  
"Oh dear Yevon what now ya?"  
  
"I'll blow up the door with my magical powers!"  
  
"Are you sure?" Wakka asked nervously.  
  
"Yes, now close your eyes"  
  
Wakka did as Tidus asked.  
  
Tidus walked to the door and began to kick it while chanting " Blow up blow up blow up blow up"  
  
He then remembered that he still had some left over explosives and placed one on the door.  
  
He blew up the door and quickly hid his hand holding the detonator behind his back.  
  
"Wow ya! You really have magical powers!"  
  
"I know" Tidus said.  
  
They stepped through the rubble to an elevator.  
  
They hoped on it and went down.  
  
"Were kinda breaking the rules" Wakka explained. "Only summoners and their guardians can come  
  
down here. You see summoners go on a pilgrimage to every temple in Spira and their guardians  
  
protect them. Two of whats her names guardians are already in there, ones mean and one never shuts  
  
up once you get them started. Tidus are you listening to me?"  
  
"Heehee fun!" Tidus yelled.  
  
When the elevator stopped Wakka stepped off. But Tidus decided to go back up.  
  
"Weeeheee" He yelled  
  
"Tidus! Get back down here!"  
  
The elevator went up and down, up and down, up and down, till Wakka managed to grab Tidus off.  
  
"Ohh." Tidus moaned disappointedly.  
  
They walked through a short hallway into a room where there were two people.  
  
A lady in a black dress made of belts rubbing her teeth and a big furry thing that looked like an  
  
overgrown cat.  
  
"Hello" Tidus said cheerfully.  
  
The lady stopped rubbing her teeth and walked over to Tidus and Wakka.  
  
"My what lovely teeth you have"  
  
The large cat thing then strode over and pinched Tidus' arm.  
  
"Too skinny"  
  
"This is the guy with no name" Wakka told them.  
  
" I have a name its Ti-"  
  
"Anyways guy with no name this is Lulu" He said nodding to the lady "and this is Kimahri, hes a  
  
Ronso."  
  
All of the sudden there is the sound of a door opening. They all look to see the apprentice summoner  
  
stepping out of the chamber of the fayth. She begins to walk down the steps but falls and Kimahri  
  
rushes forward to catch her. The summoner stands up and kimahri stays kneeling.  
  
"Kimahri ask for Yuna's hand in marriage."  
  
"Kimahri!" Lulu shouted " This isnt the time!"  
  
"Fine!" Kimahri run's off crying.  
  
Yuna looks up " I've done it" She says slightly slurred " I've become an alcoholic druggie" 


	5. CELEBRATIONS and leaving Besaid

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X, Barney or anything else in this story.  
  
Please Review! Okay or else a priest will come into your house and put lipstick on you!  
  
"Dammit Yuna! Is that why you took so long in there?" Lulu asked shaking her head. " Did you even pray to the fayth?"  
  
Yuna just stared at Lulu.  
  
"Hehe, a talking hippo."  
  
"What did she call me!"  
  
"Calm, she's stoned" Wakka reassured Lulu.  
  
"So did you or did you not pray to the fayth!" Lulu demanded.  
  
"Yes I did that ages ago, but then I found this really cool stuff left by the last summoner that came here, so I tried some and then this tree started talking to me. It told me that my calling in life is to be a druggie. Heehee! Woah.everything's spinning." Yuna began circling her hands in the air in front of her.  
  
Tidus Narration: I was expecting the summoner to be an old geezer with a ruler shoved up their ass. But it seems that I was wrong. The summoner was a young geezer who probably just smoked rulers.  
  
They all left the cloister of trials and Yuna had to be carried out because she missed the door and walked into a wall.  
  
Tidus followed them outside. Wakka was standing Yuna up, but she kept falling over. The crowd of people began to whisper.  
  
"Um.wait here for a second alright." Lulu told the crowd.  
  
Lulu, Wakka, and Yuna disappeared into a nearby hut. After a few minutes they appeared again.  
  
Yuna walked into the centre of the crowd. She looked a bit weird Tidus thought. A bit like Wakka just  
  
wearing Yuna's clothes. Tidus glanced over at Wakka who seemed to be having a bit of trouble with  
  
standing up. He looked awfully a lot like Yuna.  
  
"Must be related" Tidus said to himself.  
  
"I will summon Valefor" Yuna said. She spun around but hit herself with her staff. She tripped over and stood on her own foot. Because of the pain she began hopping around with her hand on her head, shouting ow over and over again.  
  
"Um is this part of the summoning?" Someone from the crowd asked.  
  
"Yes, Valefor will come any minute now." Lulu assured them.  
  
10 HOURS LATER.  
  
"Any minute now."  
  
"Maybe Yuna has not become a summoner. Maybe she failed." The priest said.  
  
"No, eh heh, no no she has just. wait, any minute now." Lulu came up with an idea. " I'll be back in a second." She rushed off.  
  
"Wonder where she's going?" Tidus asked the voices in his head.  
  
Tidus walked over to Wakka.  
  
"So Wakka what's up? Um, Wakka why are you sniffing dirt up your nose?"  
  
Wakka looked up. "Santa?" Wakka lunged forward and grabbed onto Tidus' legs.  
  
"Oh Santa I want to marry you and so does Mr tree. Santa why are you wearing a banana costume?"  
  
"Um. Wakka are you feeling alright."  
  
"Im back!" Lulu yelled to the crowd. " Valefor will be arriving soon."  
  
"How do you know that?'  
  
"I just do! Wak- I ah mean Yuna, do your little dance again."  
  
Yuna danced.  
  
All of a sudden someone- some thing barges out of a hut.  
  
The thing was blue and fluffy, and had large cardboard wings. It also had lipstick on and a sign that  
  
said: Anyone want to marry me, I eat rubbish.  
  
Tidus thought that it looked a bit like Kimahri.  
  
"Eh, must be related." He decided.  
  
The thing, which the people called Valefor, was dancing around in circles yelling, "moo I'm a bird."  
  
Eventually it stopped. And ran away.  
  
"Well that was interesting." The priest commented.  
  
Tidus Narration: I had never seen anything like it, sure it was as scary as hell, but hey something about that moo kept me calm. Like a call from the angels.  
  
Everybody began to celebrate, but Chappu had drunk all the alcohol a few weeks back so they just got drunk on water.  
  
Wakka seemed to look like himself again. He tugged Tidus towards the Besaid Aurochs.  
  
"This is the guy I was telling you about, you know the mental institution in Luca." Wakka whispered.  
  
"Oh hi" They grumbled to Tidus.  
  
"This is going to be so much fun" Tidus said cheerfully and grabbed the two nearest people. " We can have sleepovers, and do each other's hair.except not Wakka, we can't do anything about his hair."  
  
"Really, so you mean you help us have hair as soft and shiny as yours!" Someone asked.  
  
"Yes! And we shall change our team name to.. The people who have soft and shiny hair! Tidus announced.  
  
The team began to cheer. Tidus leaves them and approaches the summoner.  
  
"Stay away from the broccoli!" an old woman shouted at him.  
  
Yuna got up and walked towards Tidus.  
  
"Hello, im sorry about earlier I wasn't feeling too well" She told Tidus.  
  
"Oh so your not stoned anymore"  
  
"No," Yuna pouted. "Lulu took the nice stuff away from me."  
  
"Oh how sad, do you still want to marry me?'  
  
"Hell no your ugly, but I do like your hair its so shiny."  
  
Yuna begins to hit Tidus over the head with her staff.  
  
"Damn freak! How dare you have better hair than mine!"  
  
Tidus falls to the ground unconscious. Wakka rushes over.  
  
"Whats going on?" He asked. "I heard girlish screams."  
  
"Tidus attacked himself with my staff! I think he wanted to commit suicide because I have better hair  
  
than him!"  
  
Wakka laughed. "No that can't be right, your hair's ugly."  
  
"Why you!" Yuna began to whack Wakka with her staff until he too fell to the ground unconscious.  
  
Lulu and Kimahri came along.  
  
"What the!" Lulu gasped. "What happened!"  
  
"I didn't do it, you have no evidence, THE SHEEP ARE LIEING!" Yuna shrieked and ran off into the distance.  
  
"Kimahri know see pee are!"  
  
"See pee are?" Lulu questioned.  
  
"Yes when you see pee are!" Kimahri explained.  
  
"Kimahri I told you to dispose of the pot!"  
  
"Kimahri did, Kimahri did!"  
  
"Kimahri what is see pee are?"  
  
"Kimahri don't know. Maybe, maybe it when you see pee are!"  
  
"Kimahri that makes no sense."  
  
"Maybe you turn it backwards!"  
  
"Backwards?"  
  
"Kimahri think so, it then say are pee see!"  
  
"And that means."  
  
"It means is pee, as in urine, the sea, as in the ocean!"  
  
"Ah, you know Kimahri you might be right! So I wonder if that is true.."  
  
"It is the secret of the universe." A voice stated from the shadows.  
  
"Kimahri scared, Kimahri think it may be.. the boogieman!"  
  
"Guess again."  
  
"Yuna?" Lulu guessed.  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"Steve Irwin?"  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"Bob the builder!"  
  
"Nope, I'll give you a clue. Im purple."  
  
"Enrique Iglesias?" Kimahri suggested.  
  
"No" Barney leapt out of the shadows. "It's me!"  
  
Lulu gasped. "Britney Spears!"  
  
"No" Kimahri shouted. "Not Britney! That is the most evil thing in the entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Its Barney!"  
  
Lulu screamed and then fainted from fear.  
  
Kimahri ran up to Barney and slapped him.  
  
"Kimahri thought you were Enrique! How dare you trick Kimahri!"  
  
"Dude" Barney coughed. " You have really bad.. breath."  
  
Barney dropped dead.  
  
Kimahri gave himself a pat on the back, to applaud his good work. He then picked up Wakka, Lulu,  
  
and Tidus slung them over his shoulder and walked down the path. He came across Yuna, who was  
  
huddled next to a tree, rocking back and forth muttering, "The sheep will never get me".  
  
Kimahri slung her over his shoulder too. He then began to flap his cardboard wings and ran towards the edge of a nearby cliff.  
  
"KIMHARI IS VALEFOR" He yelled. "WATCH KIMAHRI FLY!"  
  
He then jumped off the cliff and dropped down. Fortunately, the boat the S.S Liki was stationed  
  
directly under the cliff, and they all landed in a pile of Chocobo feathers. Except Tidus, he fell head  
  
first on a rock.  
  
Peoples Review! Oh and am I spelling Kimahri's name right. Or is it Kimhari? 


	6. Arriving at Kilika

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X, Barney or anything else in this fic.  
  
Hehe yay don't forget to review! Oh and thanks to Saranomy for the Meg Ryan suggestion and to Analensey for being my beta reader. Now read and enjoy.  
  
Tidus awoke with a large bump on his head, lying next to a rock.  
  
He stood up and noticed he was on a boat. He spotted Yuna at the bow of the boat sitting on a beanbag surrounded by a crowd of people. He wandered over to take a look.  
  
"I'm the Lord of the bean bag!" Yuna announced, "No, I'm not the lord because I'm a lady. Well actually I'm not a lady, I'm just a weird little girl who said that. But if I would be a Lord I wouldn't be a Lord because I'd be a lady because I can't be a lord because I'm not a guy."  
  
The crowd stared at her in wide-eyed awe.  
  
"So young, yet so wise." Someone muttered.  
  
Nearby Kimahri and Lulu were talking.  
  
"Kimahri for the last time, YOU ARE NOT VALEFOR!!" Lulu snapped.  
  
"But in Besaid Lulu say Kimahri is Valefor."  
  
"No, in Besaid I said Kimahri pretend to be Valefor and when Wakka waves the staff around come out and jump around for a few minutes."  
  
"Wakka had no staff, Yuna had staff."  
  
"No Kimahri that was Wakka dressed in Yuna's clothes."  
  
"Why Wakka be Yuna but Kimahri not be Valefor!"  
  
"Because your not an Aeon!"  
  
"Kimahri has wings"  
  
"Do I look like I care? Get rid of them now!"  
  
Kimahri took off his cardboard wings exposing two feathery wings underneath them.  
  
"And those too!" Lulu added angrily.  
  
"Kimahri cannot take off wings."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Wings stuck to Kimahri's back"  
  
"And you wonder why the other Ronso laugh at you!"  
  
Kimahri hung his head.  
  
"Other Ronso no laugh at Kimahri because Kimahri have wings."  
  
"Then why do they laugh at you Kimahri?"  
  
Kimahri broke into tears.  
  
"Kimahri like dolls! But Kimahri no different, Lulu likes dolls too!"  
  
"Kimahri, dolls are my weapons."  
  
"Well dolls Kimahri only friend! Leave Kimahri and dolls alone!"  
  
Kimahri ran off.  
  
Tidus began to walk away when Lulu noticed him.  
  
"Tidus, do you have all your teeth?" Lulu asked in a curious voice.  
  
"Um, yeah."  
  
"No fillings?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Brush regularly?"  
  
"Morning and night!" Tidus replied. "Why?"  
  
"Oh just curious.." Lulu answered and smiled.  
  
Tidus walked below deck to find Kimahri weeping in the corner clutching a doll. Tidus carried on and entered the Engine room.  
  
Inside the engine room there was about 60 chickens.  
  
"Wow, look at all the chickens!" Tidus exclaimed.  
  
"They're not chickens you fool, they're chocobo's!"  
  
Tidus turned to see who had said that. A large, bulky person was leaning on the wall.  
  
He had a yellow suit with red polka dots and his skin was purple. He also had glasses and a drawn on moustache.  
  
"But they look like chicken's" Tidus argued.  
  
"Oh but there's no such thing as chicken's."  
  
"Oh, but I was sure-"  
  
"You were wrong." The person said sharply.  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
"Are you thirsty?" The person said in a cheerful tone.  
  
"Actually I am!" Tidus realised.  
  
"May I offer you some of this then, it's absolutely delicious!"  
  
The person held out a bottle. The label on the bottle said: This drink will paralyse you, so you can't run away and then I will be able to hug you. I told you I'd get my hug. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
Tidus reached for the bottle when Chappu jumped in the way.  
  
"Hey whats the big deal Chappu?"  
  
Chappu began to jump up and down and then lay down completely still. He then got up and wrapped his wings around his body as if he was hugging himself.  
  
"Oh charade's!" Tidus squealed. "I love charade's! Let me see! Um you're late for school?"  
  
Chappu tightened his hug on himself.  
  
"You're making out with yourself?"  
  
"I think," Interrupted the stranger. "That what he is saying is that if you drink this you'll be paralyzed and I would hug you."  
  
Tidus thought for a second.  
  
"Why would you do that?" Tidus asked in a hurt voice.  
  
The door opened and a child entered the room.  
  
"Barney!" The child exclaimed.  
  
"Where?" Tidus shrieked looking around frantically.  
  
"There!" The child pointed at the stranger in the yellow suit with the red polka dots.  
  
"Oh no silly, that's just a stranger who want's to paralyse me and hug me." Tidus laughed.  
  
Chappu raced over to the chocobo food and threw it all over the stranger.  
  
Everybody stood slightly confused at Chappu's actions, when suddenly 60 chocobo's attacked the stranger. Once all the food was gone they retreated back to their original places.  
  
The child's lip quivered. "Barney?" It whispered.  
  
"Chappu why did you do that?"  
  
Chappu strode over to the stranger who was nothing more than a mangled mess on the ground. Chappu took off the stranger's glasses and wiped off the moustache.  
  
Tidus gasped. "Barney!"  
  
A scream was then heard for above deck.  
  
Tidus and Chappu rushed out to see what it was.  
  
Everybody was leaning on the rails gasping and pointing into sea.  
  
"Oh dear Yevon its Sin!" Someone screamed.  
  
"No, no it's not Sin" Wakka said.  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"Look at the sign!" Wakka explained.  
  
Placed on the fin of this whale thing was surely enough a sign. The sign said: I AM NOT SIN. DO NOT HURT ME.  
  
Everyone was then satisfied that it wasn't Sin and turned away.  
  
"We're nearly at Kilika." Wakka told Tidus. Tidus looked to see that they were approaching the island. Then Wakka clicked.  
  
"I know your name!" Wakka shouted happily.  
  
"Really? I know my name too, it's-"  
  
"Meg Ryan!"  
  
Tidus stared blankly at Wakka.  
  
"Meg Ryan?"  
  
"Yes Meg!"  
  
"No actually, it's not it's-"  
  
Tidus was interrupted, as he is every time he is about to say his name, when screams were heard from the island. The large whale thing that was not Sin was destroying the Kilika village and all that the passengers on the boat could do was stare in horror. Well everyone except Tidus who was trying to dance like a ballerina and Yuna who was telling the beanbag how much she loved it.  
  
The large whale thing that was not Sin then swam past the boat again. The sign that was on its fin before had blown off revealing another sign that stated I AM SIN! HAHA SUCKERS!  
  
"Dammit," Wakka said hitting himself on the head. "Damn him and his ingenious disguises!"  
  
Kimahri stood pensively, staring at Sin.  
  
"People believe signs." Kimahri said to himself. "Kimahri know!"  
  
Kimahri pulled out a large piece of cardboard and a marker. After scribbling something on the cardboard he hung it in front of him with some string tied around his neck.  
  
The cardboard said: I AM VALEFOR!  
  
Kimahri walked over to Lulu and stood proudly. Lulu looked at the sign and shook her head. The boat stopped at the dock and everyone started to get off.  
  
Yuna was still sitting on her beanbag when a couple of villagers rushed onto the boat and dragged her off. They dragged her to where all the dead bodies were.  
  
"Perform the sending," Someone hissed in her ear.  
  
"I don't want to!" Yuna said. "I want my bean bag!"  
  
"Yuna! Hurry up and do it." Lulu said.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"THE SENDING!"  
  
"Oh yes, okay"  
  
Yuna walked in to the water.  
  
"Hey lu..."  
  
"What Wakka?"  
  
"How did they get the dead bodies in the coffins so quickly?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Yuna began to spin around singing the song that never ends.  
  
Lulu shook her head and Wakka groaned.  
  
"What's wrong?" Tidus asked.  
  
"All she's suppose to do is tap her heels together and say Abra Kadabra!" Wakka explained.  
  
"Damnit Wakka she must be stoned again! Now we'll never stop her spinning."  
  
3 days later.  
  
"Are they sent yet?" Someone asked tiredly.  
  
"Yuna! Stop spinning!" Lulu yelled.  
  
"Weeeeheee fun!"  
  
"That's it Kimahri go."  
  
Kimahri didn't move.  
  
"Kimahri go!"  
  
"Kimahri not Kimahri"  
  
"FINE! Valefor go."  
  
Kimahri rushed into the water and grabbed Yuna's shoulders to stop her spinning.  
  
Wakka then rushed over and put her in a straight jacket. Kimahri swung Yuna over his shoulder and they all headed towards the Inn. 


	7. Look its Kilka!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X, Barney or anything else in this fic . Look I updated! Thank you for everyone who has reviewed and if you review this you get a free purple banana! Oh and go read purpleangel18 story on called the fairytale that wasn't its really good! Enjoy!

The next day Tidus waited outside in front of the Kilika Inn for the others.

Tidus Narration: We had a bit of trouble last night, getting Yuna to stop spinning. As soon as Kimahri and Wakka put her down she started spinning again. They had to sellotape her to the bed and even then after awhile the tape broke from all the spinning.

The inn door swung open and Yuna came spinning out. Lulu, Kimahri, Wakka and Chappu walked out behind her.

"We gotta go to the temple so Yuna can get another aeon," Wakka informed Tidus. "And so we can pray that my hair becomes soft like yours Meg."

"My name's not Meg!" Tidus shouted.

Wakka shook his head. "Sin's bad body odour still getting to you ya? Ah well you'll get better over time."

They began to walk through the village.

"Please help me rebuild my house! Im allergic to sunlight!" An old woman begged Tidus.

"Stupid old hag, it's sunny right now and yet you seem to be fine!" Lulu snapped.

"Come on Lu, be a bit more compassionate!" Wakka said.

"But-" Lulu started.

"Now how can we help you?" Wakka asked the old lady.

"Well you could give me all your money so I can build a new house," The old lady suggested.

"Kimahri know! Kimahri Valefor!" Kimahri rushed off. Everyone waited patiently for him to return. When he did he was carrying a very large boulder. He dropped it on the old lady.

"See, no sunlight for old lady!" Kimahri explained.

"Good work Kimahri!" Wakka said patting Kimahri on the back. "See Lu, helping people is good."

The party continued walking and stopped when they reached the jungle.

"Why are we stopping?" Tidus asked curiously.

"Kimahri want Meg to be Yuna guardian," Kimahri explained.

"What!' Wakka and Lulu said at the same time.

"Come talk to Kimahri"

Lulu, Wakka and Kimahri walked a little way off and huddled together. Leaving Tidus and Chappu with Yuna. Tidus looked at the spinning Yuna.

"Hi Yuna."

"Weeeeee."

"Yuna aren't you dizzy?"

"Heehee."

"Hey, are you laughing at me?!" Tidus shouted.

Kimahri, Wakka and Lulu were whispering to make sure Tidus didn't overhear.

"Kimahri, I don't want him to come with us!" Lulu hissed.

"But Kimahri think Meg look like good meal," Kimahri whispered.

"Kimahri you can't eat him!" Wakka said.

"Why not?"

"Cos, you can't."

"Actually, you can Kimahri," Lulu decided.

"What!" Wakka said shocked that Lulu was going to let him.

"Think about it Wakka, but don't hurt yourself. Kimahri can have his flesh, you can have his hair and I can have his lovely teeth. Yes precious, precious teeth." Lulu told him.

"Kimahri like idea."

Kimahri, Wakka and Lulu heard a scream and looked over to see Yuna lying on the ground. They rushed over.

"What happened?" Lulu demanded.

"He punched me!" Whined Yuna.

"Who?" Lulu asked looking at Chappu and Tidus who were pointing to each other.

"Meg!" Yuna said giving Tidus a dark look.

"She was laughing at me!" Tidus explained.

"Good work Tidus!" Wakka praised.

"What?" Tidus questioned puzzedly. 

"You stopped her from spinning!" "Oh yes.that was my intention."

"Good now lets get going."

Chappu led the party killing fiends since everyone else was to busy doing something useless. Lulu was casting fire on Yuna every five seconds so she wouldn't start spinning again. Tidus was skipping and Wakka and Kimahri were walking at the back of the party.

"Kimahri feel like turkey tonight, like turkey tonight!" Kimahri sang glancing up ahead at Chappu.

Wakka gave Kimahri a nervous look and rushed forward away to the front of the party to guard Chappu.

They reached the stairs leading up to the temple and were greeted by the Besaid aurochs.

"You know there's a story about these stairs," Wakka told Tidus.

"Really?"

"Yes, they're made of marshmallows!"

"Really? Oh I was wondering why Kimahri and Yuna were eating them."

Suddenly a purple banana dropped out of a tree and onto one of the Besaid Aurochs head, killing him instantly.

The Besaid Aurochs screamed and ran up the marshmallow steps waving their hands like idiots.

"Oh dear we're under attack," Lulu said.

"Duh!" Yuna replied. Yuna screamed as Lulu cast fire on her.

Barney dropped out of a tree.

Everyone gasped.

"You!" Wakka shouted.

"Yes me, you all know why I'm here."

A few crickets sounded in the background.

Barney sighed. "Im here for my hug. Idiots.." Barney muttered.

Everyone screamed.

"Here hug Meg," Wakka said pushing Tidus towards Barney. "Just don't hug any of us!"

"Barney haven't we killed you before?" Lulu asked suspiciously.

"Yes in fact six times now and I have the weirdest feeling that im going to die again very soon."

Another purple banana dropped out of the tree and hit Barney on the head, killing him. The penguin flew down from the tree.

The penguin chuckled. "Ah I couldn't resist." And then he flew off again.

"I don't trust that frog," Tidus complained.

They walked up the steps and saw a large monster staring at them.

"Kill it!" Kimahri yelled.

Yuna began bashing it with her staff, Kimahri began chewing on it, Lulu was throwing soft toys at it and Wakka was giving it flowers.

"Die! Why won't you die dammit!" Wakka cried.

Tidus wasn't fighting; he was just standing nearby chasing a butterfly.

Wakka stopped to breathe. "Lu it must be immortal!"

"We must keep fighting," Lulu shouted.

The temple priest walked over to see what was happening.

"Stop you fools! Are you idiots!" The priest yelled.

Tidus stopped chasing the butterfly and replied, " Yes. Yes I believe we are."

"Don't worry Mr. Priest we'll have this fiend dead in no time!" Yuna said confidently.

"No you won't," The priest replied.

"Of course we will."

The priest shook his head. "It's a wall dammit! A wall!"

They all stopped attacking.

"Oh is it like an endangered species or something?" Wakka asked.

"No, it's a brick wall! It's not a fiend it won't hurt anyone!" The priest shouted angrily.

"Oh, sorry Mr. Wall," Lulu said, petting it.

The Aurochs team came rushing towards Wakka.

"One of our members is dead." Wakka told them.

The team gasped. "Don't worry, I'll take his place." Tidus reassured them.

The team groaned.

As they were about to enter the temple they saw the Luca Goers.

"We're going to beat you," One of them taunted.

"Whats your goal this year 'To do you best'," The Goers laughed.

"Err, no actually it's not. Our goal this time is to not drown, cos last time I had to get a whole new team," Wakka told them.

'Oh.well that's a good goal. Um.. Seeya," The Goers left.

When they entered the temple Wakka rushed over to a statue of a flower and began to pray.

"Please give me nice hair, please give me nice hair. Oh and if its possible could you make either Meg die or the member of our team that died to come back, I forget his name but he was a better player than Meg. Come back please? Pretty please?"

Lulu and Kimahri were playing hide and seek and Yuna was talking to a statue of her father.

"Hi Dad! How have you been?"

The statue didn't answer.

"Dad? Dad why aren't you talking to me!" Yuna shouted.

"Lady Yuna, its just a statue." The priest informed her.

"Why isn't he talking to me, what did I do!" She asked the priest desperately.

"Lady Yuna your father is dead that's a statue," The priest pointed to the statue and slowly said again, "statue."

Yuna's eyes began to water. " My, my fathers dead?"

"Yes, he died 10 years ago," The priest said horrified. "Didn't you know?"

Kimahri rushed over and dragged Yuna away, while Wakka and Lulu ran to the priest.

"Why did you tell her that? Why didn't you just let her believe that her father was a statue!" Lulu snapped.

"Well I just thought-"

"That's were you went wrong," Lulu explained to the priest whacking him over the head.

"Come on, let's got get the new aeon." Wakka suggested.

As they were about to go up the stairs to the trials two people came down.

"Hello," The lady said. "Im Donna and this is my guardian Barthello, want to be in our sticker club?"

"Yes im Yuna! Are you a summoner?"

"Yes, well I wasn't supposed to be."

"What do you mean?" Yuna asked curiously.

"Well Barthello was the summoner but he couldn't really fit into this outfit im wearing right now and people kept running away screaming 'my eyes, my eyes.' So yes we decided it would be best for me to be the summoner."

The party looked at Donnas outfit and then at Barthello.

"Disturbing," Lulu shuddered.

"Oh well bye then!" Donna and Barthello walked out of the temple.

"Okay lets go, ya?" Wakka asked Lulu.

"Disturbing," Lulu shuddered again

"Come on." Wakka said pushing Lulu up the stairs.

When they entered the door at the top of the stairs they walked onto an elevator. Tidus walked on as well but they pushed him off.

"Hey whats the bid deal!" Tidus asked.

"You're not a guardian yet." Lulu informed him.

"But you said I was!"

"Yes, but you're not a guardian until you ah..pass the test." Wakka told him.

"Whats the test?"

"Um.a spelling test. Yes that's it! A spelling test. Spell the word 'a'"

Tidus thought long and hard. He took a deep breath.

"B?"

"Oh so close but no. So stay here okay!"

"Damnit," Tidus muttered watching the others disappear down to the cloister of trials.

Three hours later the other returned from the cloister of trials. All wearing party hats and carrying balloons. And of course Yuna was stoned.

"Hey," Tidus asked in a hurt tone. "There wasn't a party down there that I wasn't invited to was there?"

Wakka, Lulu and Kimahri exchanged glances.

"Of course not," Lulu said not looking Tidus in the eye.

"Oh good!' Tidus said jumping to his feet. "Now what?"

"Now we go back on the boat and set off for Luca!" Yuna shouted. "To the land.. of sellotape!"

Top of Form 1

Bottom of Form 1


	8. To Luca! AURON BACK NEXT CHAPTER!

Hi! Look I've updated! Im sooo sorry it took me so long, I've been a bit slack (just a bit lol) and I had a bit of writer's block. AND I did write it earlier but my brother deleted everything off our computer. Chapter nine will be up soon because it's already half done. Im going to update more often PROMISE!! That's if I live through tomorrow anyways, I have to go to the dentist and I might have to have a ROOT CANAL NOOOO!! So plz review, because if I die at least ill die happy with reviews! BTW I didn't send this to my Beta reader so there may be some mistakes.  
  
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED I LOVE YOU!!!  
  
Morurie: My favourite character? It would have to be Auron in my story and rikku in the actual game. Auron hasn't noticed that Tidus calls him orange because he was too busy worrying about other things like cupcakes in chapter one, he is going to realise in a later chapter. I definitely will ask you for ideas if I need them, in fact have you got any ideas for operation Mi'hen or whatever its called?  
  
Yarel: LOOK UPDATED!! This means im not an un-updating person anymore right?  
  
JT (TRTaruTumTum@aol.com): Thanks for the Rikku suggestion ill definitely use that! Yay I am officially one of your favourite authors, that makes me happy!! Woooo  
  
And now chapter 8!! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything never will and never have.  
  
The party is aboard the boat to Luca. Lulu is 'helping people', Kimahri is examining a music sphere, Yuna is rambling about everything and anything and Tidus and Wakka are playing hide and seek.  
  
Down below deck Tidus is hiding behind a pot plant, congratulating himself on his wonderful hiding place, for he and Wakka had started the game 6 hours ago and he still hadn't been found. Tidus yawned and started to pick at the plant.  
  
3 hours later.  
  
Tidus was getting sick of waiting for Wakka, and his hiding place had been completely destroyed for he had subconsciously eaten it. So Tidus decided that Wakka must have gotten lost and set out to find him with the last remaining leaf, which had become his new friend, Mr Leaf.  
  
Tidus wandered up the stairs leading to the deck and stood behind Kimahri, who was sitting there listening to the Enrique Iglesias Hero song.  
  
Would you dance if I asked you to dance?  
  
"Kimahri would dance!"  
  
Would you run and never look back?  
  
"Kimahri like to run, so yes Kimahri run!"  
  
Would you cry, if you saw me crying?  
  
"Kimahri no cry!"  
  
And would you save my soul tonight?  
  
"Fine Kimahri admit it sometimes Kimahri cry!"  
  
Would you tremble if I touched you lips?  
  
"Kimahri a bit worried now."  
  
Tidus, being very afraid, slowly moved around Kimahri and then ran. He ran and ran until he tripped over Yuna who was having a tea party with the beanbag.  
  
"Hi Yuna!" Tidus said getting to his feet.  
  
"Ello Governor!" Yuna replied cheerfully.  
  
"Yuna," Tidus began shuffling his feet. " Would you like maybe.go out with me sometime? Cos even though you're a stoner and have messed up eyes and seem to be permanently attached to that beanbag, you're still kind of hot. Im a bit desperate too. Girls seem to scream and run when they see me. I don't know why. It can't be my hair, and my tutu brings out the colour of my eyes and makes me slimmer.maybe it's the shoes."  
  
"Im sorry" Yuna replied without looking up. "I don't got out with guys with eyes. Anyone with eyes work for the sheep." Yuna looked up. "For all I know you could be a sheep"  
  
Yuna leaps up and begins whacking Tidus with the beanbag.  
  
"DIE SHEEP DIE! You'll never get me NEVER!"  
  
Tidus managed to crawl away. He looked back to see Yuna now attacking the teapot and accusing it too of being a sheep.  
  
"I guess she's not going out with me then, aye Mr Leaf."  
  
Tidus began looking for Wakka, he looked under boxes, under rugs, under wigs, in some ones ear but Wakka seemed to be in none of those places. Instead Tidus found him in the last place he would expect. Practising Blitzball on the deck.  
  
"Wakka!"  
  
"Oh shit.. Hi Meg."  
  
"Wakka you never found me! Did you get lost? Does this mean im the Champion?"  
  
"Um.. Datto" Wakka said quickly beckoning one of the Blitzball players over. "You tell him something ya."  
  
"Well Meg you see.." Datto paused. "We think you're an absolutely terrible Blitzball player and don't want you on our team, we weren't even looking for you, we were just hoping to leave you on the boat. Now we can only hope Yuna kills you because she thinks you are a sheep." Datto walks off and begins practising again.  
  
"Not quite what I was hoping for." Wakka muttered.  
  
"Oh I get it!" Tidus exclaimed.  
  
"You do! Really?" Wakka asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yep, you're a really bad liar so you got Datto to lie for you! You just didn't want to admit that you were so bad at hide and seek. But its okay you cant be good at everything like me."  
  
Wakka shook his head as Tidus wandered away.  
  
Tidus began dancing with Mr Leaf. Abruptly he dropped Mr. Leaf and yelped. He began rolling on the ground trying to put out the fire that had just started on his back. He stood up and realised that nearly all the people around him were doing the same thing.  
  
"LULU!!" Wakka yelled. "I thought I told you to be more helpful and compassionate towards other people!"  
  
"Yes but I am Wakka," Lulu said an evil smile on her face. " These people are cold and I am making them warm!" Lulu cast Fire on another person and laughed as they ran jumped overboard into the water.  
  
"Well that's okay then ya." Wakka said.  
  
Tidus who was not on fire anymore wandered over to Wakka.  
  
"Wakka do you know what I just realised? Even though I know it's not my real name, nothing rhymes with Meg."  
  
"Um, what about peg, leg, keg, beg and milk?"  
  
Tidus thought about these. "Nah the only one that comes close is milk. What am I going to do I cant go around for ever with nothing rhyming with my name, its suicidal." Tidus began to cry.  
  
"Um.Lu come talk to Meg." Wakka called desperate to get away from the blubbering boy in the tutu.  
  
Lulu walked over and peered at Tidus' tear stained face.  
  
"Oh whats the matter, are you cold?" She asked with a smile.  
  
"No." Tidus sadly.  
  
"You want me to pluck all your teeth out one by one with no anaesthetic?"  
  
Tidus considered this. "No. Lulu are we there yet?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"How bout now?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"YUNA MEG JUST SAID BAA!" Lulu screamed.  
  
Yuna yelled a battle cry and ran to Tidus and began whacking him with the beanbag once again.  
  
"Haha sucker..." Lulu said and went below deck.  
  
An hour later Lulu strolled back onto the deck.  
  
Wakka gasped when he saw her. "Lulu your fat.. Omigosh YOU'RE PREGNANT!"  
  
Everyone looked at Lulu and all gasped as they saw her large bulging belly.  
  
"What?" Lulu asks puzzedly. She looked down at her stomach and realised what everyone was on about. She laughed. "No, no I've just been eating some purple bananas I found below deck, they were awfully yummy. I may have eaten a few too many though."  
  
Chappu the turkey walked up on deck and stood next to Lulu.  
  
"Holy mother of beanbag, your pregnant with a TURKEY!!" Yuna cried.  
  
"No! I told you I just ate too many bananas."  
  
"Lu that is very sick ya!" Wakka exclaimed.  
  
"Ask the penguin! The penguin gave me the bananas!"  
  
"DID YOU SAY SHEEP?!" Yuna yelled straight into Lulu's ear.  
  
"No una I said Penguin, P-E-N-G-U-I-N!"  
  
"Traitor your working for the sheep DIE!!" Yuna screamed and began to hit Lulu with the beanbag.  
  
Suddenly Barney jumped onto the deck noisily, the penguin flying down beside him.  
  
"Wow," Tidus said peering up. "Where'd you come from? And I still don't get how you can fly?"  
  
"I have a plan!" Barney announced. "And if it works I'll be able to hug you all!"  
  
Everyone gasped and a few fainted.  
  
"My plan, more ingenious than Sin's sign disguise, involves no more than 285 billion litres of purple paint and a button!"  
  
More gasps were heard.  
  
"Dangerous combo those two." Wakka muttered.  
  
"I will paint all the grass, concrete, floor, basically all the ground," Barney paused for effect. "Purple!"  
  
Nobody said anything.  
  
"Well its brilliant don't you all think?"  
  
"Well we don't quite understand it ya?" Wakka told Barney.  
  
"Oh, well that's because I'm smarter than you all. Well you see now, if I paint all the ground purple then no one will be able to find their feet!" Barney laughed.  
  
"But our feet aren't purple, mine are pale skin coloured" Lulu informed Barney.  
  
"Mine are sunburnt red." Wakka added.  
  
"Kimahri's are blue and furry, like a snakes!"  
  
"Mine are green." Tidus said.  
  
Everyone stared at Tidus for a few minutes then decided to tell him he was an idiot later.  
  
"And we could always just stand on chairs, or wear shoes which weren't purple, its not as if we walk about barefoot all the time." Lulu pointed out.  
  
"Ah well.." Barney began.  
  
"AND," Lulu interrupted. "Your feet are purple so your feet would get lost not ours. Basically your plan sucks!"  
  
"Yeah and nothing rhymes with Meg!" Tidus added.  
  
Lulu whacked Tidus over the back of the head.  
  
"Who did that!" Tidus shouted and spun around looking for the attacker.  
  
"I don't think I thought this through well enough."  
  
"Nah mate don't think you really did." The penguin said.  
  
"Oh well, I'll just say goodbye now and be going. Bye, Auf Wierdersehn, Au revior, Zai jian, woof, moo, baa!"  
  
"SHEEP!" Yuna cried at the top of the lungs. Furiously she pulled out a chainsaw from the beanbag and rushed over to Barney. And that was the end of Barney for this chapter, and a warning for all to never say baa with Yuna in earshot.  
  
The Besaid Blitzball team cleaned up the mess and pushed the bloody remains of barney overboard. Lulu and Wakka stood next to each other stunned at Yuna's actions.  
  
"You got the chainsaw off her?" Lulu asked.  
  
"Ya, Kimahri's got it." Wakka replied.  
  
"I think.we should get that beanbag off her, we don't know what else could be in it."  
  
"Good idea Lu!"  
  
"We're nearly at Luca, then we'll drop Tidus and Yuna off at the only place on Spira that they should be."  
  
"The supermarket?" Wakka asked.  
  
"I am surrounded by so many idiots" Lulu muttered and walked away from a confused Wakka. 


	9. Blitzball Time

Disclaimer: Same as always I own nothing in this story yadda yadda yadda...  
  
SORRY SORRY SORRY, this took me forever, this chapter made me angry and im still not completely happy with it but I decided that I should post it anyways. Im giving myself deadlines now, I have to update before every Wednesday or Yarel will kill me. Im blackmailing myself to write its rather fun. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED I LOVE YOU ALL!  
  
The boat from Kilika arrives at Luca to the sound of the commentators Jimma and Bobba. Aboard the boat are the we-like-fire team and the we-have-soft- shiny-hair-except-for-wakka-who-doesn't team. Al-bhed-psychos-who-attack- anything-that's-the-colour-blue team have also arrived. The we-like- bunnies team from Luca is there as well.  
  
Everyone gets off the boat. The we-have-soft-shiny-hair-except-for-wakka- who-doesn't team are huddled together plotting how to get rid of Tidus. Kimahri is reading a book on the best ways to cook turkey and Tidus is busy being amazed at how his hand gets bigger when he moves it closer to his face.  
  
Yuna, who's clutching her beanbag, runs and tackles Lulu. "Finally Mr hippo," Yuna announces, "we have arrived at the land of sellotape!"  
  
Lulu, looking very agitated stands up and looks around. "Yuna I don't see any sellotape"  
  
"Ah," Yuna said her eyes very wide "But your not looking closely enough, it's just really really really small." Yuna gets down on her hands and knees and presses her nose to the ground. Slowly she whispers "Here sellotape sellotape sellotape"  
  
Lulu stomps off muttering something about, wishing the final aeon would just kill her now.  
  
Wakka walks over to Tidus, who is now fascinated by how his hand looks smaller as he moves it away from his face.  
  
"Canoe im such a genius!"  
  
"Sure you are Meg.... whats with the Canoe?"  
  
"What? Oh whoops sorry its just that well you talk so much like a canoe, I just got mixed up"  
  
"Oh wow I never knew that. Meg do you think you could help us get the beanbag off Yuna?"  
  
Tidus looked at Yuna who is still looking for the sellotape with the help of the beanbag.  
  
"But why they look so happy together!"  
  
"Because." Lulu said sharply, joining the conversation. Lulu thought for a few seconds. She smiled smugly. "We need someone to distract her and you're perfect for the part."  
  
"What part?" Tidus asked puzzledly.  
  
"Yuna! Megs saying bah again!" Lulu yelled.  
  
Yuna instantly stops looking for the sellotape and starts running towards Tidus and yells, "I CAN FIGHT!" She tackles Tidus and starts to hit him with the beanbag. "Die sheep die!"  
  
Wakka suddenly gasps and pulls a strange device out of his pocket. "My Maester radar is telling me that Maester Mika is here!"  
  
Everyone gasps and starts to run off, except for Yuna and Tidus who have to be dragged away.  
  
They join the large crowd standing on the dock, waiting for the great wise Maester to appear.  
  
A man with Blue hair steps out onto the deck.  
  
"Whats wrong with his face?" Yuna asks loudly.  
  
"Yeah I know he looks like squashed squid guts" Tidus said.  
  
"I am Seymour Guado, proud to be a freak."  
  
"Seriously dude whats wrong with your face?" Tidus called out.  
  
"My mother is an aeon." Seymour said proudly ignoring Tidus' question, "A big strong aeon."  
  
Kimahri starts to beat his chest and screams "KIMAHRI IS VALEFOR!"  
  
"Interesting..." Said Seymour slightly afraid. "My dad is mysteriously dead and I didn't kill him, and now I have to take on his role as Maester and I still didn't kill him."  
  
"Ah, so we all know that he didn't kill Maester Jyscal!" Wakka pointed out to Tidus.  
  
Music starts up and the crowd quietens down and stops whispering about the ugly dude that didn't kill his father.  
  
Maester Mika walks slowly down the ramp and stands before the crowd of people. He takes a few deep breaths and opens his mouth to talk. The crowd waits eagerly to see what has to say.  
  
"People of Spira, for too long we have been trapped and held back by a powerful evil, a dark well known evil. AND THAT EVIL IS CLOTHES!"  
  
Suddenly Maester Mika rips off all his clothes and runs off laughing like a mad man and calling back towards the crowd "You'll never catch me im the gingerbread man!"  
  
A group of warrior monks and priests run off after him carrying a large net.  
  
"Not again dammit!" Seymour said, very annoyed. He began to go after the grand maester too but is stopped as the whole al-bhed-psychos-who-attack- anything-that-is-the-colour-blue team leap on him and begin to punch, kick and bite him.  
  
"Tsk tsk that's the trouble with having blue hair" Wakka said shaking his head. "Well we better go off and get ready for the game"  
  
"But Wakka the games not for another five hours" Tidus stated.  
  
"Nothing wrong with being a little early"

At the 'stadium'......  
  
"Here we are!" Wakka told Tidus.  
  
Tidus stared at the sign on the building in front of him. "Clinic for people who see things, hear things and talk to things that aren't there." He read aloud. "Are you sure this is the place?"  
  
"Yes very sure Meg very sure"  
  
Wakka, Tidus and Yuna entered the building. As soon as they did three men in white coats lunged at them and put Yuna and Tidus into straight jackets. Then they lunged at the beanbag and began wrestling with it. Then one of them shot it with a tranquilliser gun.  
  
Wakka exited the building and met up with Lulu.  
  
"Killed two rocks with one jelly bean aye Lu!"  
  
Lulu gasped and slapped Wakka. "You killed two rocks! Remember that thing called a wall in Kilika it was made of rocks and it was endangered! YOU'RE DESTROYING OUR PLANET!" Lulu turns around and falls to the ground screaming as she sees naked Mika run past.  
  
"Lets just go to the stadium now ya?" Wakka said helping Lulu get up.

In the we-all-have-soft-shiny-hair-except-for-wakka-who-doesn't teams locker room.......  
  
"Well boys it's the final match lets win this ya!" Wakka said enthusiastically.  
  
"Um Wakka there haven't been any games yet" Someone said.  
  
"Yeah well the al-bhed-psychos-who-attack-anything-that's-the-colour-blue dropped out because they didn't want to get their hair wet,"  
  
"We have to get our hair wet! This is an outrage!" someone cried.  
  
Ignoring this, Wakka carried on explaining what happened to the other team, "And the we-like-fire team were disqualified for trying to burn the water. So we just have to beat the we-like-bunnies team. Chappu you're filling in for Meg."  
  
The we-all-have-soft-shiny-hair-except-for-Wakka-who-doesn't team walked out of their locker room and walked to the blitz pool. They assembled themselves so they stood opposite the we-like-bunnies team and so that the blitz pool, which was just a small shallow child's blow up paddling pool, was in the middle. They began to laugh at the we-like-bunnies teams uniform, which were pink bunny suits.  
  
They were all about to dive in the pool when a large crowd comes running towards them with sponges. They leap on the we-like-bunnies team and begin beating them with the sponges. Once they were convinced that all the people in the we-like-bunnies team were dead they got up, shook each other's hands and walked off.  
  
"We won!" Wakka yelled happily.  
  
"YAY!" The rest of the team chorused and began to do the chicken dance.  
  
Suddenly the stadium grew dark. Everyone looked to the sky to see a swarm of something coming towards them. As the swarm got closer they saw that it was the most feared of all fiends. Lint.  
  
Everyone launched into panic mode and began to run and scream in a mad rush to get away from the lint. "Save the children!" A woman screamed. "Forget the children just save your clothes!" Someone else yelled.  
  
Some of the lint attacked Maester Seymour but exploded at the sight of his ugly face. The other lint turned to see what was going on and saw Seymour's face as well, exploding the moment their non-existent eyes lay sight on him.  
  
Seymour puffed out his chest and held his head high. "Im so powerfully ugly!"  
  
Just that second Maester Mika ran past and yelled out "Im so powerfully naked!"  
  
Seymour began to chase Maester Mika but suddenly started running in the opposite direction after a pretty butterfly.

Wakka's body was lying on the ground. He wasn't dead, he had just decided that if he went to sleep the lint wouldn't see him because he would be transported to dreamland. Wakka was dropped on his head a lot as a child.  
  
Wakka's eyes shot open to the sound of a familiar annoying voice. There was Tidus standing over him singing the song that never ends with Mr leaf in his hand.  
  
"This is the song that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and then they kept on singing it for ever just because, hit it Mr leaf!"  
  
Tidus stared at the leaf in his hand expectantly. "Seems Mr leaf has become shy all of a sudden" Tidus decided.  
  
"Meg!" Wakka exclaimed, "Why are you here ya?"  
  
"For the Blitzball game of course! You dropped me at the wrong place! But that's okay we all make mistakes."  
  
"Yeah, mistakes.' Wakka grumbled. "How'd you get here? WHY WONT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE YA!"  
  
"My new pet bought me here!"  
  
"Pet?"  
  
Wakka sat up and spotted what Tidus was talking about. He jumped to his feet. "What the hell is that ya!?"  
  
"That's Pumpkin, my pet giant flying cucumber, remember I told you about him when I met you at that island place, where you come from! I think its called Besaid? Is that right?"  
  
"Ya Besaid, surprised you remembered that, maybe you a brain after all ya? Or maybe sins bad body odour is wearing off."  
  
"Wow!" Tidus jumped up and down with happiness. "I have a memory! Normally it just goes through one nostril and out the other!"  
  
"Um Meg look ya." Wakka pointed to behind Tidus.  
  
Tidus turned to see Pumpkin flying off into the distant, stopping occasionally to gnaw on a cloud.  
  
"Dammit!" Tidus kicked the ground but ending up kicking his other foot and tripping up. "He must have eaten through the invisible leash I had him on! DAMN IT!"  
  
Wakka patted Tidus on the back. "Its okay Meg, lets just go find the others ya?"

All the seats in the stadium were empty, in fact the whole stadium was deserted except for two people/things, Chappu who was pecking at the remains of the lint and Barney who was sitting in a seat doodling on the back of a napkin.  
  
"So if I go here," Barney said to himself while staring intently at the badly drawn map of Luca. "While that boy from Zanarkand is eating a burito, then I can sneak up behind that person two blocks away from him and take his shoes. Then when the boy is paying for the burito, I can hide in a can of beans while wearing a Mexican hat, hoping on one foot and playing the banjo. When he is least suspecting it I will then sneak up behind him cry out like a sloth and hug him!" Barney leapt up, "Finally a plan with no holes in it!"  
  
Barney suddenly noticed the sound of footsteps advancing towards him, he looked in the direction of the sound to see a strangely dressed man walking towards him. As the man got closer Barney could also hear a swishing sound and the sound of wheels.  
  
"Think Barney think! Do something that's not suspicious!" Barney hurriedly bent down and began to tie his shoelaces. Barney cursed as he realised that he didn't know how to and just waved his hands around his feet hoping that he looked convincing enough.  
  
When the strange man got to Barney he made a sudden stop directly in front of him.  
  
"You know the reason you're having so much trouble is because you don't have any shoes with shoelaces to tie."  
  
Barney stood up and looked at the man. "What the hell are you wearing?"  
  
The man looked shocked that someone could ask such a thing, and instantly started to explain. Striking a pose he pointed to his jacket. "My jacket, IN FACT, my whole outfit is made from authentic cup cake cups, and this sling around my neck is my special carrier."  
  
"Carrier for what?" Barney asked curiously.  
  
"I'll show you." The man opened the sling to reveal a chocolate cupcake with a little hat saying 'Chocolatey'.  
  
"A cupcake? Why the hell a cupcake!?"  
  
The man gasped. "Why the hell NOT a cupcake? Tell me that aye!"  
  
Barney look behind the man to see a little red wagon filled with cupcakes.  
  
"Are you like, selling cupcakes for girl guides of something?"  
  
This time the man looked as if he was going to have a heart attack. "SELL MY PRECIOUS CUPCAKES! HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING!"  
  
"You need some serious help, who are you anyway?"  
  
"I, am the Legendary Cupcake man, Auron!"  
  
"Never heard of you."  
  
"Really? Not even just a reference to me in a conversation?"  
  
"Nope, though I have heard of the Muffin man."  
  
"The muffin man! Damn that muffin man who lives on Drury lane! Damn him to fake artificial sweetness hell!" Auron cried in a sudden outburst of anger. He calmed down. "Oh yeah forgot to mention I was Lord Braskas guardian too."  
  
"Ah, so you're a good guy."  
  
"I suppose so, why is that a problem?"  
  
"Well im evil."  
  
"Evil how?" questioned Auron.  
  
"Evil as in I Hug people!" Barney burst into maniacal laughing.  
  
"How is that evil?"  
  
Barney stopped laughing. "How is it not evil?"  
  
"But isn't it kind of kind?"  
  
"No." Barney said uneasily.  
  
"Well it doesn't sound very evil to me."  
  
"Said the man who is cradling a cupcake in his arms."  
  
"We've been through a lot together, we are family too each other." Auron said defensively.  
  
While Auron and Barney had been talking, Chappu had wandered his way over and into the little red wagon of Aurons. He began to peck at a strawberry muffin happily.  
  
Barney spotted Chappu and screamed like a giraffe that had just realised that he hadn't grown a beard for his mothers surprise birthday cake. Barney fainted. Auron looked to see what Barney had screamed at and flew into an outrage as he saw the empty cupcake cup in the wagon.  
  
Auron pulled a packet of paper clips out of his pocket and started throwing them at Chappu. One paper clip landed on Barney's arm and somehow ripped him in two.  
  
Suddenly Auron stopped attacking Chappu as he heard someone call out, "ORANGE!"


End file.
